I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
