Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
