He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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