I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
