Define "chronic" masturbator.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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