..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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