Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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