Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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