Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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