I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
