I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My dick has a subreddit
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize