just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
