Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
