Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
