Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
smell my finger.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
