I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
