I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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