I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
