i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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