I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
