id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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