you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
