i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize