That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
