It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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