im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
