watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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