New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize