I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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