According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Farmville is her only friend.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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