I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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