I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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