I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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