quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
