Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
