genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize