ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
