if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
