My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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