Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
