Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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