flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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