Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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