she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
