Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I AM VODKA MAN
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
