omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she looked like the before picture.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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