I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
