My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
