What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
