Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
