nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Pooping to opera.
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