just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
