HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
