I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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