I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
