I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
