I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
