So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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