so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
