So drunk its hurt
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
